Here's how to go from cool to fool in less than a second:
You've got 30 minutes to get in a quick surf so you change into your wettie, grab your board and hotfoot it down to the beach. As you're running down the slip (I have found that the slip at La Braye is particularly suited to this) make sure you're not paying attention - If you can be talking to somebody as you're running down the slip it's even better - and place your foot sideways on a piece of granite. If you've done this properly you now have a very twisted ankle, next try to save the situation by pulling up and doing the hopping thing - now make sure you twist your knee the wrong way while you're doing the hopping.
If it is all going to plan you will no longer be able to support your own weight and since you've still got forward momentum your face should be approaching the slip at great speed; self preservation should now be taking over and you will launch your board out in front of you (crushing a rail and breaking off a fin, of course) as you try to protect your face.
If you've planned this move properly you will be near the edge of the slip and placed in perfect position to fall off the side of the slip, fracturing your toe in the process.
You will now be lying on the sand in a great deal of pain but trying to reclaim some sort of dignity by tring to assure the good samaritans that rushed to your aid that you are, in fact, okay and if they could just go about their business and forget what they have seen, that would be very kind. For a few bonus points make sure that your kids are building sand castles next to the slip so they can point at you and laugh.
Proving that ignorance should go hand in hand with piss poor coordination, insist on still going for your quick surf even though you can barely walk. The paddle out will be no problem, catching a wave will be relatively straight forward but as you pop up you will be reminded that standing hurts and that standing is a fairly important part of surfing these days. Instead of popping to your feet, doing your bottom turn and preparing for your top turn you should pop to your feet, feel the pain, yell something beginning with the letter 'F' fall back down thus completing a picture perfect 'Kook' manuever (highly underated IMHO).
Let the white water wash you to the beach and finish what can only be described as the gay-est surf in history.
Well done!
P.S. - to the guy with the big, red longboard: Thanks for not laughing too loudly.
P.P.S. - to Shelly: You can stop laughing now.